oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
