What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
