dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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