i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
