my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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