if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
