I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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