i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
