Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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