I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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