if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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