you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
