i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
