very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
