Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize