You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
