Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
