when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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