Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
