I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i now understand why vodka
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
