Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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