For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
