If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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