I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bring me that man meat
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
