White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
