o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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