the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.