I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"