you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's blow job season.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
