I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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