There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
