Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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