Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
