his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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