R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Man, jail baloney is awful.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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