He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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