I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize