I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
