God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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