I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
