someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
