Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
