Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
