you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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