I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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