i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
