3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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