Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
