A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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