i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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