Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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