A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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