Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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