I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
