Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
