Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.

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(312): View more from Illinois

if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned

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(757): View more from Virginia

It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier

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(256): View more from Alabama

Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?

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