my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
