you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
