Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
