His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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