Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
