Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
