Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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