I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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