we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
