i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
