i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
