can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
