Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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